can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
