it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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