When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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