I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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