Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
