i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
