Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
