Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
