She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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