Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This house was built for laser tag.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
