Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
