you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
