Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
