There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
