What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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