We won't sleep together?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
