I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
