Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and she was petting her beer can
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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