...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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