Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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