Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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