I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize