I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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