I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
