So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
