I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
