We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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