Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
