I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
