Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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