yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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