Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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