he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
pray to the hookup gods
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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