took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
