kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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