my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
