Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
