you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
