I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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