then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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