shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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