I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
