The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
