she was so not down for the gang bang
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
