At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
