I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
