My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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