I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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