i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
