I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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