But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
