I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
