Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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