dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
