I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
