i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
