Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
