If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
