Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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