Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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