Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
