"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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