dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
