Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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