No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
