ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
