I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
