Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
