That's intense
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
