Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
