i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
