that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
