it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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