Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
