i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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