Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
