I think I won the penis lottery.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
50% drunk capacity currently
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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