another moral hangover. fuck.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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